You probably noticed lots of ballyhoo, or perhaps even bollocks, in the media concerning the start of London's Congestion Charge earlier this year. And if you're one of that valiant if dwindling band of motorcycle dealers in the London area, you're surely aware of the targeted advertising by the likes of Peugeot encouraging motorists to leave their cars and the Congestion Charge behind by buying a scooter for commuting into the metropolis.And indeed it's all very tickety-boo if you do ride to work in central London on a motorbicycle, because due to the inability of Red Ken's technology to accurately record motorcycle licence plates, they are exempted from the charge. (You surely didn't think it was anything to do with a warm-hearted affinity for bikers within the Mayorial ranks, did you?). But what no-one has taken into account is the consequence of squillions of extra two-wheelers flooding into the city every day, because consequences there certainly are.
Increased A & E admissions are sadly the most obvious and obviously negative effect of pumping a load of learners into the vicious cut'n'thrust urban driving, but as I write this just six weeks after the Charge was introduced, comparitive before'n'after figures for two-wheeled blood-letting aren't available. However the most palpable consequence to those of us who cross the border into the Charging Zone is the infuriating inability to find somewhere to park.
On my first visit to London a few days after Charging began, I found myself circling further and further from my intended destination in the West End, eventually elbowing my scoot into a narrow slot a ten minute walk away. The next day I experienced my first bout of Bike Rage when I snuck into a space just under the nose of a K100RT rider who yelled abuse at me, presumably for the carnal sin of having a smaller machine than him. (See chaps, sometimes smaller is better).
My initial query was greeted with snorting disapproval of bikes because they', "are more dangerous and cause more pollution than other vehicles" (?), but eventually he calmed down and explained that it was their policy to review the general parking situation 3-6 months after the onset of the Charge. "However," he added, "every space provided for a motorcycle has an impact on cars and pedestrians." Quite how a pedestrian would be affected by a parked motorcycle turned out to be an oblique reference to the increasingly common practice of commuters "using a loophole in the law" to park their bikes on pavements and then cover-up or remove their number plates. Parking wardens are powerless to do anything about this, but it must be said that most riders who engage in this practice carefully avoid impeding foot-traffic.
Rather ominously the spokesman noted that Westminster Council are "working hard to address this problem", but also added that they're providing some 400 additional motorcycle spaces at their various off-street car parks. Which is all very well if you happen to work near one of these facilities, but paying £131.99 a quarter for the privilege of something that - in principle - remains free elsewhere might well rankle, and uptake has apparently been minimal. Even so, that's a bargain compared to the £584-1600/quarter motorists have to stump up, depending on how centrally they plan to park. (Recognising the battle we now have to endure to find a parking slot, NCP have also introduced dedicated bike sections at many of their Central London sites, but they're not cheap either).
Why not then, when public transport in London is a shambles? Westminster, needless to say, aren't interested and in any case this is a small sop to the needs of anyone who needs low-cost access to his or her London workplace. Which is something the bike trade might like - but is probably too myopically avaricious - to reflect on before flogging hundreds, maybe even thousands of machines to commuters currently unaware how horrendously difficult it will be to park 'em.
On a happier note, or at least a different one, I've spent the past few weeks trying to buy a crash helmet. This is a somewhat vexatious business when you live in the sticks because there aren't any dedicated motorcycle clothing emporia within skidding distance. And travelling 40 or 50 miles to a small-ish dealer who, understandably, carries only a limited range of makes and models can be a right disappointment, especially when your appetite's been whetted by all the swanky new designs puffed in Trader which mostly turn out to be alarmingly absent in my nearest shops.
I was however pleasantly surprised to find that despite the near-total dominance of foreign manufacturing in the skid-lid biz, the venerable name of Cromwell still flourishes with a beautifully designed and finished British-made range which, even more surprisingly perhaps, offers great value. So with a sense of patriotism that you'll of course find typical, I got one of their fibreglass Vectors, and damn fine it is too. Just the thing for headbutting some jerk who tries to steal my parking space when I'm next in the smoke.